The Afterman (Song)
The Afterman is the third song on the 2012 album The Afterman: Ascension. Lyrics She gave her heart to a falling star When news filtered through of his tragedy All the walls went up Around a world she declines As the tears from her eyes fall No one understands and no one will All she has lost If he's not here, then where? If he's not here, then where? When she found it there in the cold, blue glare The words distressed and unfamiliar Where the feelings seared An emptiness had hung and in her chest she clenched Reality settled in and the memories raced While on the screen he lived She teared "Your selfishness has robbed you Of the man you could've been I wouldn't change a thing about you I love you dearly, my friend" If he's not here, then where? If he's not here, then where? My love... been searching for my Afterman If he's not here, then where? If he's not here, then where? My love... been searching for my Afterman Inspiration "The title track was written a little over two years ago in Florida. Chondra and I were coming back from a long day lounging on a boat without cell reception, when she decided to hop on Facebook. In that moment she had discovered a very close friend had just passed away. I remember the cold impersonal blue glare glowing against her face...the emotions and tears released in an instant. It was unlike anything I had ever witnessed. Her questions started pedaling between reality and disbelief, but her emotions were too strong to know what to believe. I started to feel like this was the closest thing to her experiencing my death. It set the tone of loss for this album" Story Back on the planet Valencine, Meri Amory has been throwing herself into work since her husband left to chart course on what, in her opinion, may well be a suicide mission. She had no intention of arguing with him that day, or any day for that matter. Confrontation where Sirius was concerned had always been something she avoided at all costs, both because she hated any unrest between them, and because he spent enough time fighting with the entire scientific populace. That is Meri, ever supportive, skilled at moving her needs to the back burner to accommodate the desires of the people she loves. And Sirius is at the very top of that list. Meri can't help blaming herself for this unresolved fight, when she'd known well before the day she married him that with a man as gifted and bull headed as Sirius, the possibility of even his wildest dreams coming true wasn't so unreasonable. She remained confident that if she stood by him to see his goals through, eventually, he would return the favor and they could have a child, maybe two. They would go on vacation and take up new hobbies and watch the Keywork illuminate the dark sky from the comfort of some blanket in the park. They would be normal. Instead, he planned not only to endanger himself, but possibly take every one of those hopes away with him. Deep down, she thought that if he was truly faced with the prospect of losing her or giving up this expedition, he would choose her. Then he did not. Could she get used to this terrible feeling of not being a priority? Should she be gone when he returns just to teach him a lesson? Would he even care if she did leave? Was she overreacting? "And adding insult to injury," Meri thinks, taking her eyes off the fluff piece she is meant to be writing about the overpopulation of feral cats on Valencine, "He named his damn ship after me! Well, go on Sirius--head off into nowhere with the more adventurous, bold other woman." She sighs, her emotions falling somewhere in the trinity between annoyance, longing and debilitating fear. Meri returns to her work, but nothing good is coming out. She can't find her words--even the most elementary ones required for the ridiculous story in front of her. With the afternoon having gotten away from her, Meri decides to do some mindless web browsing on what is an incredibly advanced version of what we know as a computer. There are no keys, no tangible screen, only thoughts that trigger searches. Her immediate mind search for "current events" bring dozens of stories up holographically into the air in front of her, but she only sees one. BREAKING NEWS: CONTROVERSIAL RESEARCHER SIRIUS AMORY FEARED DEAD AFTER UNEXPLAINED EXPLOSION, ENDING PRIVATELY FUNDED ENDEAVOR TO SELF-PROFESSED "KEYWORK" Meri rereads the headline, skipping key phrases: Possible system failure. Recovered burned debris from Amory's ship, The Meriwell. No chance of survival. The images from the web search disappear, as her mind wipes clean of every thought, every emotion, everything she knows in that moment. She sees the information, but it is not real. How could it possibly be? She's in their home and there is the photo they took only last week and his shoes by the door and... Her body accepts the news a few moments before her brain, throwing her to the ground like a paper doll, the flood delayed. Then the tears come and don't seem to stop. She is overwhelmed, yet depleted, lying on the cold floor when they come. Reporters from every major news outlet and beyond, calling, messaging, knocking at her door; trying to reach her on every form of communicator they can find. They want information: "Have you heard the news?" "Can we get your reaction?" "What kind of person was Sirius?" "When was the last time you spoke to him?" Can you tell us more about what your husband was looking for?" Was. Meri realizes that as long as she refuses to acknowledge them at all, as long as she answers no questions, hears nothing...then she can remain in the loving arms of disbelief. She is not waiting for news, not waiting for someone to pull her out of this nightmare. She is only waiting for Sirius to defy the odds again, like he always does, and return home. Background "The title track was written a little over two years ago in Florida. Chondra and I were coming back from a long day lounging on a boat without cell reception, when she decided to hop on Facebook. In that moment she had discovered a very close friends had just passed away. I remember the cold impersonal blue glare glowing against her face...the emotions and tears released in an instant. It was unlike anything I had ever witnessed. Her questions started pedaling between reality and disbelief, but her emotions were too strong to know what to believe. I started to feel like this was the closest thing to her experiencing my death. It set the tone of loss for this album." Music Video Category:The Afterman: Ascension Category:Songs